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DON’T look for perfection.
Encouraging you to settle isn't our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade. “There are some qualities that your mate must have—being honest, for example—and others, such as movie-star looks, that should be thrown in the would-be-nice category,” says Elizabeth R. Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Sit down and realistically figure out what characteristics are nonnegotiable and then be open-minded about the rest.”
DO expect to meet men in unexpected places.
“Keep your eyes open at all times for opportunities to meet quality men, not just when you are all dressed up to go out,” says dateologist Tracey Steinberg.
DON’T assume that somebody’s not interested in you.
Don’t conclude that if you don’t think you look cute, you don’t look cute to someone else, says Paula Bloom, author of Why Does He Do That? Why Does She Do That?.
“So if you’re running to the grocery store after the gym, and some guy starts talking to you and trying to make conversation with you, you may be thinking he just wants to talk to you when he’s actually really trying to make a connection with you. If you don’t think you look attractive, you might miss it.”
DO be confident and make the first move.
The jury is in: Men really do prefer women who make the first move. “It’s not because it takes the pressure off of them,” said Christopher Brya, coauthor of WTF Are Men Thinking. “Instead, it shows that you’re confident, which is really the biggest turn-on.” Many guys sense that the frequency of men making the first move (asking for phone numbers or dates, etc.) is actually diminishing. As one guy put it, “Waiting for a man to make the first move is real old-school and outdated.” Plus, if you’re a take-charge woman in every other facet of your life, why be a wallflower when it comes to men?
DO make it easy for men to date you.
True story: Guys have a fear of rejection. If you make it easy for them to ask you out, the more apt they’ll be to do it. “Making it easy means telling a man in the clearest terms that you are interested and wouldn’t say no to a date,” says Harlan Cohen, author of Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober).
DON’T go out in one huge group.
“The best size group to go out with is three,” says Shannon Fox, the author of Last One Down the Aisle Wins. Going out alone might invite men to talk to you but only because you seem vulnerable and desperate. Two is too easily unbalanced. (What nice guy wants to ask a girl to dance if it means leaving her friend all alone?) And four is too intimidating—no guy wants to risk putting himself out there in front of a gang of potentially critical women.”
DON’T worry about his age—or yours.
The times have changed, and age just isn’t as relevant anymore when it comes to dating. Miguel Almaraz, coauthor of WTF Are Men Thinking?, said, “Younger men—20 to 30—really do like dating older women. In fact, 66 percent of the men we polled [for the book] said they would date older women.” The main reason given? Experience.
DO put a friend in charge of finding you a date.
Not great at seeing who’s good for you? Then stop trying and let a friend do it for you. Whitney Casey, author of The Man Plan, says to pick a (preferably coupled-up) close friend and put her in charge of finding guys—any other guy you meet automatically goes in the friend zone. “You’ll only go on dates with someone she sets you up with,” Casey says. Not only does this help you date better men, you’ll also end up acting more genuinely around other guys you meet when the should-I-date-him pressure’s off.
DON’T limit your online dating searches.
Doing the online dating thing? Make sure you cast a wide net. “Extend your search two inches in height below what you want and two years older and younger than what you think you are looking for,” says Brenda Della Casa, author of Cinderella Was a Liar.
DON’T pretend to be someone you’re not, even online.
Online dating is competitive, but being yourself is essential. “If you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, you’re going to end up on a date with a person who is compatible with the person you’re pretending to be, not the person you actually are,” says Lisa Daily, author of How to Date Like a Grown-Up.
DON’T waste your time dating a show-off.
“The bravado? That guy needs to save it for the golf course.”
—Justin Timberlake
DO be nice to everyone.
“I can’t stress this enough,” says Rachel DeAlto, author of Flirt Fearlessly: The A to Z Guide to Getting Your Flirt On: “You never know where an encounter is going to lead. That guy you met at the gym but aren’t into? That woman you met at the networking event last night? They might be the one to introduce you to your dream guy.”
DO allow yourself to be wooed.
“It feels good to be treated like a lady. If a guy really likes you, he’ll pick you up and take you out, not ask you to drive across town for cocktails and a sleepover.”
—Alison Brie, star of Mad Men and Community
DON’T go overboard on dressing sexy.
Sure, you want to look hot on a date (we’ve got you covered with tons of outfits guys love), but don’t go overboard. “On dates and when out trying to get dates, I recommend dressing about 20 to 30 percent sexy,” says Steinberg. “Give him a little something for his imagination.”
DO wear shoes that are comfortable.
We love our pointy-toe stilettos too, but if you’re seeing someone new, maybe go brogue instead. “Some of the best dates are the ones that continue going on beyond what’s planned,” says Bloom. “You’re improvising, and you don’t want uncomfortable shoes to be the reason you cut short a date that’s going well.”
DON’T booze it up with a new guy.
“Imagine you have two brains. One weighs risks and rewards, keeps you informed about morals and ethics, and warns you about unwise choices. The other seeks pleasure and feel-good experiences, creates erotic appetite, and drives you to satisfy that appetite,” says Brian Alexander, coauthor of The Chemistry Between Us. “As anybody who’s been on a diet and has faced down a plate of gooey chocolate chip cookies can tell you, it can be pretty tough to resist pleasure under normal circumstances, but when you drink alcohol, you are helping to cripple your rational, reasoning brain and giving your pleasure-seeking brain a huge megaphone. So, let’s say you’re out with a guy. He’s cute, but you’re feeling just so-so about him and you probably wouldn’t want to go out with him again. But to make the date a little more fun, you start in on the martinis. Soon all you can see is the cute. A few hours later, you’re looking at a very awkward morning.”
DO flirt.
“Make eye contact and smile at anyone who catches your eye for three seconds,” says DeAlto. “If he is interested, he will approach. In a relationship? Keep flirting! Continue to make him feel like the center of the universe. It will do wonders for your connection.”
DON’T forget your manners.
We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.
“Good manners have become so old-fashioned that men now wait for the thank-you at the end of the date as a way to see if she’s worth seeing again,” says Brian from New York City. “I don’t care if the woman looks like Kate Beckinsale and has a Ph.D.; if she can’t be bothered to utter those two little words, I am never calling her again.”
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